Trials and Temptations

Lately I've learnt that being a faithful believer has no point if I can't befriend peacefulness.

I clearly can't convince everyone about faith and principle I refer to, and I used to think it was the hardest part while practicing changes. But then to keep on walking on the path I've chosen, even without really caring about what other people think, gives a different kind of challenge.

Maybe that's the whole point, kalau proses untuk istiqomah sendirian punya sensasi tersendiri. Sometimes bothering is needed solely to make sure we're still on track, not to start such endless battle of making everyone to be on the same page.

So, yeah, that's about it.


Looking up to My Grandma

Omi is 87, knows too well about how to greet people with sweet smile and sincere friendliness as we spot her with nice dress and red lippy on. Been dedicating her life for ibadah, taking care of her beloved family, and contributing to society.

A couple of days ago she said, "I don't know anyone else who's happier than me. I tried to look at my life; husband, children, grandchildren, the whole family....how my life has been so complete that it's always fulfilled with happiness." as the night ended and she went to bed after receiving tons of prayers and gratitude that day.

Family trip to Nagari Aie Angek, Bukittinggi, inspired me to write about her. She's indeed a classy woman.

Oh another thing for sure, Allah knows how close she is with Him that He always shines her with love and caring souls around. Sehat selalu Omi sayang ❤


See Beneath Temporary Life

Remembering death may guide our soul to peace. To realize how world does not appeal to immortality, leads us to preparation for the afterlife. To think about our purpose of life, ignores unnecessary pressure and stressful obstacles that we are not going to carry even on the last moment we close our eyes.

Sometimes we decide not to care about how we are going to 'live' after we die, for mundane greed has partially consumed us. Because deep down deep inside out subconscious mind, we are sort of liking the idea that we do not just live to eat-poop-sleep-repeat, but for something else beyond this impermanence.



There's something about commuting.

Endless observation on human behavior, indirect interaction within respect bound of strangers, deadly body odor, casual use of surgical masks, lost innocent men on ladies-only train etc. So much to witness even if it's just a 30min trip.

When surrounding is much less crowded than usual, it is either a short-term peace or awkward emptiness.

Sweet Sweet Vain

By this vain I continue enjoying the sensation of being faithful, in the midst of unsureness but with a dot of hopes tickling my desire to shout for an answer. And in my dreams I whisper patience a couple of times: for Allah is the only one left even if longing starts eating me alive.


Analogy of an Unspoken Jam

when the ground is smeared with warmth of morning sunbeam
it never bothers the sun to ever do
yet it still does

when the sky is painted with sparks of night lights
it never bothers her to express such adoration
yet she still does

because when everyone is looking away
ground surrenders to the beauty of sun
as sky gives in to the colorful night:

witnessed by her who can only draw an analogy of an unspoken jam

Written on March 31 2017


How Life Treats My Capability of Loving

I used to believe that marriage was one of the hardest thing to bear. I kept thinking, how is one supposed to fully understand the importance of dealing with a spouse they barely know for less than half of their lives, in hopes to recreate a perfect household with unpredictable number of children?

But then, at the same time, love poured its truth to me and got me showered with kindness and sincerity, on and on. Just when I was about to close my eyes, such unexpected memory blew its hope and rebuilt logic. Thousand clips of my life recapped in seconds; with my parents' shadow following in each step I took, and my brother's laughter as a comforting melody throughout my journey whichever way I went to.

Suddenly I became a doubtful person with optimism hidden in the back of my carved heart that said: que sera, sera. I considered to stop believing anything that could destroy my capability of loving, for I probably will find a pen to write a new chapter of my life with.