19

I do still remember the feeling I got when I was 5, later when I was 10 and later when I was 16 when I woke up in my birthday. It may seem such a cliche sentence but time flies so fast and now I am getting older for I am now officially 19 years OLD. It is funny how I still remember the moment when I turned 17 and finally got my ID card or KTP, then kept saying "I am a legal adult now!". Two years have passed and here I am. Realizing the truth that time really does fly way too fast.

Life lesson is given each and everyday for those who sensitively search for it, but the way I see my own I can conclude that transforming from 18 to 19 is probably the most complicated phase in my human being.

Maybe this is not really personal since I know that a lot of teenagers have gone through this phase; about to graduate from high school and later adapt in college or working ambience; start planning for future and somehow forced by nature to act like an adult; and conscious or not, when you start to realize you are about to become an adult, things will get slightly or a lot more complicated than usual. Alhamdulillah I have survived the thick and thin and still standing right now.

But things happen and life goes on (another cliche sentence....) for later on either good or bad things attain to create your today's condition as a human being. That's why I am now soooo happy and thankful because I have gone through many things in life for 19 years on earth, and still given chance to taste a dip more about another life lesson. And plus I am surrounded by people who show me kind loves especially today, on my birthday.

I honestly don't expect something huge for this year's birthday because I know that I am now in this situation of living so does everyone else. People are not used to today's crowd, yet. But then I was surprised because some of my friends still managed to come to my room and brought cake! It was such an unexpected action because some of us (including me) would have exam on 9am. It was little thing with huge effort. Another stories from different parts of the world, which is my homeland, were also beautifully delivered via social medias to me. My sweet sweet friends created such nice art that simply made me happy. A clique of boys sent me short video taken in evening beach, and each of them congratulated me by saying "Happy birthday, Fathya!" before the video ended with the scene where they drew my name on the sand. And of course, my family members sent priceless prayers to me for I started to become overwhelmed.

Here, I am going to share (ONLY SOME from) things I have received on my birthday. Several of them describe long distance relationship with people from far far away

These are friends of mine in college from Palembang! Idk they did this on certain purpose or they just edited it and changed the letters on paper LOL. 

This is a lame editing from my current roommate who claimed that she could never really edit a pict. She posted this on Line, Path and Instagram by describing some disgraces of mine, which is fine for me because she put it in funny way. 

Later on around 6am they bumped to sleeping me and sung like I had no neighbor around. They forced me to take a pict so since I was in a rush then I just put on my mukena.... It was touchy because me and my friend in left side would have morning exam. Wondering why I was holding a pack of biscuit? Because the box they gave to me contained a pack of biscuit. And yes I appreciated them since they knew I was such an omnivore. 

This was the last pict sent to me today. He is a friend of mine whom I have made friends with since 11th grade. Up until now all I can describe about him is that he is such a weirdo. He is a friend who texted me in midnight just to remind me to breathe (weirdo, right?). Nevertheless, he is also a friend who makes efforts for this and simply makes me happy. 

I don't think a page of blog is enough to describe the whole thing I feel today. It seems new for me because I am still not used to celebrate birthday not in my own home. But still, I am beyond blessed, not because of the reducing age but the thankful feeling of how you are still loved and belonged until now.

June 3rd 2014 was great.

Vainly Flat

I'm feeling a little bit weird recently. There is something missing in me which I have no idea how to complain because I just know nothing about this whatsoever missing piece. What I can describe is a kind of emptiness that sleep cant heal, neither food can fix. I know it is on a high level but I cant explain any deeper about how it feels anymore. If anyone asks me to pick the best word to describe, it will probably be a word: Flat (even though I do still realize it is not really that word).

But if I do a little throwback.......

I saw a light in the middle of pouring rain upon a night. A flawless brightness that had oddly attracted parts of me once again. I knew rain made me glum often. I thought it was because I sensed warmth by cold raindrop. Before I flew away to upper level of heaven, dark sides of me started kicking away my imagination. Because that one warmth was something I would never be able to touch.

Then my beating heart just got back to normal thump and felt like nothing happened. I felt just okay.

A few days later after fantasizing a lot, I ended up being trapped in my daily routine. A same old table with plugged laptop and buncha lectures notes. For any reason outside human logic I randomly turned my head away my assignments and I caught a squeezable smile far away. I was amazed that a quick tiny little smirk could construct a flowery heart of mine. As well as a good good sleep I supposed after I went back to my dorm at 9:30pm.

Now I'm finally here, trying to relate what I've been feeling with what I knew in recent throwback. I suppose the unseen 'a few days ago smirk' is the reason why crowded place feels so quiet. I suppose I need a light. But I also suppose that even if I suppose, not a notion can afford helping me stop supposing in vain.

Then I get back to my assignment in the middle of blogging time, trying to push a word flat away, hoping that I will randomly capture any other light which able to shine some dark sides (will still hoping even if I should wait for the next pouring rain moment).

Uni Life So Far, People and Happiness

It's just a couple of week since I started my second semester of uni life but then I already can conclude something about.......various kinds of people that you can find in college, probably? (Hope this isnt too premature)

College or uni, isnt like high school at all (YAIYALAH) whether if you see it from how lecturers deliver materials by lecturing or simply on how to deal with many many many kinds of peeps. Well, maybe this post isnt really universal since I'm mainly talking about how it feels like to make friends with people from overseas but I'm pretty sure colleges are pretty similar, if it comes to comparing with high school lol. Maybe it's mainly because after the lecture time is over everyone just rushes outta class to do their own stuff; sleep at dorm, go to library, dealing with school's dean, having club's meeting for latest project etc. Or.....maybe...if someone goes to college, does it mean that they have a bigger curiosity compared to what they have back when they were younger, since the stereotype says that college is all about being mature? That's what I have in mind, at the moment. And my own thought leads me to questions and questions, how people can act so nice and pure, or even too evil and mean, or maybe being two-faced at the same time.

 

College's ambience in general (esp. college with dorms) automatically asks the students to kindly help each other, whether they like it or not. Of course it happens in places where you can find other people with same nationality as you. Here in my campus you will never wanna know how many Indonesians who are at least currently studying in this jungle university. It's a definition of A LOT. And most of them are so kind and helpful. Most of them care enough for other students to lean on. I believe it is all about having the same goals, purposes, feelings and understandings that one community may have, although for some reasons both-sides always exist especially in human's personality. People dont always love.

People who dont always love can refer to those who get judged easily by society, although the rest already know that rumors arent always true from the very first impression. But then other society (I draw out a lotta group of people in my mind hahaha since there are literally a bunch of cliques and communities in campus) silently agrees that it aint the 'dont love' that becomes wrong, but secretly deep inside they just hate the feeling of not being loved. Some people just feel like they need to be accepted, respected and etc. It's not only about "Damn she's so mean I hate her." but mostly about a lotta haters do feel they want a better treatment. That why (probably) some people hate the feeling of being hated, although those people arent hated actually, but those people just dont see the unseen spreading love that isnt shown yet. Like what I wrote about my thought earlier, college's stereotype is about being mature and somehow maturity needs acceptance.

And yes, I do feel so these years ever since I stepped in junior high up until now when I'm being in college.

It's not only me but people in ambience like this may feel like they surely love kind people, surely hate mean people, or even surely become two-faced also! But I dont blame (or support) in any sides not because I wanna be a neutral person cus somehow being neutral is boring. I choose being happy, and maybe the rest out of good-bad categories choose the same way. A happy person will automatically be kind if he/she is among kind people. Same situation also happens if a happy person is among mean people. You know, I learn this from SpongeBob's way of living that I found in Google: laugh out loud all day without any reason (it doesnt make you insane, trust me *finger crossed*) and annoy mean people with your happiness. Yes it does work.

I personally see things in my current living atmosphere in that way, maybe it is true or vice versa. I may have many people who are going to agree with me after finding out the piece of my mind but it doesnt mean that there are not gonna be some people who feel offended afterwards. Lol. Sometimes disclaimers are fun to deal with since all they can do is correcting us to be somebody better.

I strongly agree that college is not about digging broaden knowledge from textbooks, but also about this gripping social phenomenon.

Holy Grail

Hi.

I do feel awkward typing on my own blogger field.

The reason why I decided to start writing again is probably mainly because I just realized that Ive been loving writing for years for a hundred times. And when I do feel sooooo excited to hugkiss my blog again after months it only makes me wonder, why would I ever stop writing?

Well you know it maybe sounds a lil naive because deep inside my heart I ever feel like I recently dont really like the 'old me' when I used to go to mum to complain about this short life, to my friends to borrow their shoulders to cry, and even to blog to write down things about my personal life which I DID think that people really should know. I believe that everyone has ever felt that way, ever sometimes hate a part of their vulnerable and easily change human hearts. But for some reasons that I cant even explain, as I feel like I'm getting older and soon will kiss a social label they put to a teenager who pretends to be all mature called 'adult', I realize that I've learned more than a lot from things Ive experienced in life. Well, my life, and other people's life. Every lil thing Ive acted on must lead me to what I'm becoming now, and now I do know that so far I respect and love myself better than several years ago, when I went to school from 7 to 3 and did more laughing than studying. So now I often think that, why would I even bother thinking that I should repair any broken piece I experienced in the past? That thought just lead me back here, my holy grail (well, beside books, internet connection and mascara) formed as a site called Blogger.

I feel like, I really should write again with different kind of writings since I'm now a college student which people can expect that I can be slightly smarter than several years ago. Thats why I deleted most of my posts hahahaha no no dont get me wrong! Frankly, I love most of my writings lol but most of them dont really fit my way of thinking at the present time either. But I still leave some posts about good good memories I had back when I was in school, when I was just happily vulnerable as a teen and liked to smile too wide because of the braces and my friends often made fun of my cheeks. Thats why, I'm writing again even though I dont really give a damn to disclaimers or anonymous or other blabla people whom I dont encourage to visit my site cause I do what I love. And writing here again seems so exciting like it's the very first time I create a fresh and new blog.

In case somebody out there is wondering how different I am now compared to myself years ago, Im now just a second semester college student that goes abroad, and still cant sleep in this quiet midnight, and will be having 9 to 5 schedule for classes tomorrow, and currently feeling awkward in my own account.

Dear God (Indonesian Ver.) by 12SOCIALONE

Passion & Spirit

Here I am, with my lovely laptop in front of me and now playing Jason Mraz's I Won't Give Up song on repeat cause I must stay on full passion spirit track. Wanna know why? I'm gonna break it down to y'all anonymous readers.

I'm having a very haaarrrddd time rite now! What's been happening in one last month is hectic school weekdays while talking about endless tasks and home works and university and gossips and scandals and blablabla. I'm even having a sociology research about prostitution (which is the 'girl' refused to be questioned! hah) and I'm on my way doing the field job. And also about....entrepreneurship that makes me errrr T.T I really have to wake up and realize that I must sell macaroni schotell and become a fake entrepreneur, then make the report from that activity, with my team. And the most bittersweet task is.....gotta be.......doing every little thing about year book photo schedule.

It's so damn hard to work as a team cause u can never make 1001 voices into one. Personally, I consider myself as an uptight inside and that's why hearing a non professional talk either schedules makes me sick! Sometimes it's not about how less competence that we can see overall, but all of these disturbers are sometimes coming as external causes. But y'all need to know! I'm damnly sure that after the yearbooks are handed over to my friends, me and the rest of committees will be fully satisfied cause what was sacrificed for goods would always be satisfying. Plus, I'm always happy being in hectic and busy week (although still....working as a team is neveeerr easy for me). InshaaAllah :')

So that I'll sing I Won't Give Up on my mind again and again to stand up my passion of doing every task with very big passion and spirit. I know I can.

Duties

Here I am, sitting facing laptop and searching midi file for Music lesson (hell yeah we all gonna do duet on singing assignment yeaaaahhh~) and been torturing google chrome why does it take so long to open new tab unlike firefox.

I'm exhausted. An hour ago I just got home after digging knowledge at EF, and then I met papers of Economics lesson to do, about adjustment entries and blablabla. And then I suddenly remembered this Music lesson task to find any midi file, but I musnt forget that I also have a group task of Geography lesson. U know, like making slides from power point about air pollution.

Those tasks and homeworks, I think, are so important for us the social students to study much more about this environment we live in on Geography lesson. And talking about Economics lesson, those adjustment entries is fun to do, IF ONLY YOU KNOW HOW TO PUT IN THE NUMBERS. And I deeply regret....why didn't I take more attention so I would have done doing those papers. About Music lesson? Tho I am defineltely not a diva who can sing, I enjoy this task because we can you knoooww like having fun just in hours and able forget hard lessons for a while. Well I take a conclusion that as students the only way to not get exhausted maybe by enjoying every little thing we meet. Yes, I shoulda started being so.

But...... I always have to manage my time more often to handle these, tho I dunno to whom should I learn bout that further.