I'm feeling a little bit weird recently. There is something missing in me which I have no idea how to complain because I just know nothing about this whatsoever missing piece. What I can describe is a kind of emptiness that sleep cant heal, neither food can fix. I know it is on a high level but I cant explain any deeper about how it feels anymore. If anyone asks me to pick the best word to describe, it will probably be a word: Flat (even though I do still realize it is not really that word).
But if I do a little throwback.......
I saw a light in the middle of pouring rain upon a night. A flawless brightness that had oddly attracted parts of me once again. I knew rain made me glum often. I thought it was because I sensed warmth by cold raindrop. Before I flew away to upper level of heaven, dark sides of me started kicking away my imagination. Because that one warmth was something I would never be able to touch.
Then my beating heart just got back to normal thump and felt like nothing happened. I felt just okay.
A few days later after fantasizing a lot, I ended up being trapped in my daily routine. A same old table with plugged laptop and buncha lectures notes. For any reason outside human logic I randomly turned my head away my assignments and I caught a squeezable smile far away. I was amazed that a quick tiny little smirk could construct a flowery heart of mine. As well as a good good sleep I supposed after I went back to my dorm at 9:30pm.
Now I'm finally here, trying to relate what I've been feeling with what I knew in recent throwback. I suppose the unseen 'a few days ago smirk' is the reason why crowded place feels so quiet. I suppose I need a light. But I also suppose that even if I suppose, not a notion can afford helping me stop supposing in vain.
Then I get back to my assignment in the middle of blogging time, trying to push a word flat away, hoping that I will randomly capture any other light which able to shine some dark sides (will still hoping even if I should wait for the next pouring rain moment).