Keen Sting

As I began writing in the middle of midnight, I suddenly and randomly remembered an awesome line from a movie Harry Potter and Half Blood Prince, Albus Dumbledore once said, “To be young, love is a keen sting.” and that is saying something. I even stayed up tonight wondering about this and thought that his line was well said.

If I relate that line with real life case example, I personally think (and feel) that some people tend to grow and express their ‘ego’ when it comes to showing any kind of affection to other people whom they are concerned about. Most of them forget to do the math about possibilities of sting they probably will get. For example, a 10 years old boy comes to a girl’s house he has crush with, while bringing a pretty sunflower from her mother’s garden without any permission. After he arrives he gives the flower to the girl, saying some sentences that according to the girl are obviously cheesy and not romantic, to confess his feeling that probably makes the girl super awkward and uncomfortable. She accepts the flower without giving any pleasant response. The next day when they both meet in school cafeteria, the girl does not even want to make an eye contact because she’s afraid that the boy will ask her to fill the hole of expectation in his heart.

From the girl’s side, she understands that someone must express their feeling, but does not understand why the boy has to go that way and she does not like it. From the boy’s side, he just does not understand why he receives such rejection.

Back to topic, the ego has started to show right after the boy picks up sunflower from his mom’s garden, and being repeated when he decides to confess about his feeling to the girl although he is not a hundred percent sure about it. Like, he does not even know what ‘style of confession’ the girl digs.

Then I was wondering, why do some people just simply assume and soon become over-confident with their assumptions, yet their foolish expectations for a support to agree with?

And then after a lot of day-dreaming, and line of arguments with mom as she said that my way of thinking was too weird to be spoken, I admitted that I was such a moron to think that way (and then I decided to write this to clear out the fact the I WAS a moron).

Of course, humans tend to believe that they should express what they feel about someone, especially when it comes to giving affection to people who they care about. I once wrapped up that this matter would express people’s ego more than the affection itself. It was sort of like that because I thought I didn’t need one, until one day I stood on a path where I should check out a map to affection-land to lead my way straight forward in order to pour my fondness out. And then I just knew I was wrong. I was being that 10 years old boy I talked about earlier.

And Albus Dumbledore has spoken a well-said line which I strongly support at the moment. Love stings. But maybe if the actor, actress, and the storyboard imply extended supports of expectation fulfillment, it is possible to be one nice and gentle keen sting.

Kekelaman yang Matang

aku menyaksikan matahari lebur jadi abu
tepat sebelum kelopak mata gagah membuka
setelah disuap racun pahit dalam gulita pada kalbu

pijar matahari kemudian memudar
sesudah kehilangan kesempatan yang sungging luka
pun tersadar ialah sukar

tak jua sempat tergoda
aku tertidur sepanjang masa
bayanganku redup tanpa jeda

Just a Common Human's Dissatisfaction

One day I was walking along with someone I know pretty close, just for an evening sightseeing and two cones of ice cream. As we were talking about random things relating to our surroundings—such as why wind does not have any color, or why people find it odd if two guys holding hands—she then opened up a discussion about her perspective on a strong reason for believing to God and religion practices.

According to her personal statement, she thought that one should always remain to refer to whatever the religion talked about God, since it would lead people in this world to peaceful life. She implied that those without this kind of belief may face confusions and further mental depressions in a long run. I wasn’t sure about what she read for gathering relevant information. All I knew she was thinking and observing a lot about so many things that she often came up with her own assumptions before discussing it with anyone around.

“What kind of concrete example that crossed your mind?” I curiously asked—because her statement is too obviously common since most people must have believed in their religion too.

“Well,” she licked her ice cream while we were walking forward under pine trees, “don’t you know that more than half people in this town, no, in this world perhaps, have gone through numerous dissatisfactions every single day, which lead to stress and depression because they can’t accomplish something in this world?”

I nodded. She continued, “It shows that they haven’t a hundred percent committed to trust their God in the end. They still put world’s business first, and not able to surrender. I, for one, think that whenever humans remember their God often and let Him do the rest, they will always live a bit, or a lot more, peacefully compared to those who put world’s business first.” 

There was a total silence as we were falling into our own deep thought and deliciously licking to our own ice creams. After approximately five seconds she continued,“Because God doesn’t require mortal stuffs neither something temporary, but everlasting faith on Him.” and a total silence did occur again up until we finished our ice cream.

A few weeks after the evening chat, I met her again in a different afternoon situation. We sat on a bench and she started talking about her internship application a month ago, feeling annoyed and fully disappointed after reading a letter of rejection the day before.

“So you’re upset, then?” I asked her. At the same time I was wondering if my question was too stupid to ask, as her expression could noticeably tell how much she wanted to enroll in that job position even if it was just as an intern.

“I am, of course. It’s not that I am an absolute concluder, but I’m pretty sure that most applicants don’t even put numerous working experiences like I’ve done on my CV.” She exhaled. “I cried a lot last night. I even wondered if I had done anything disappointing regarding to my skill and well-being, which makes me think I shoulda been accepted.”

She exhaled, yet again. Then I carefully asked her, “Have you talked to God through prayers?”

“I have. But no answers have comforted me.”

I starred at her for some seconds, feeling surprised before I could conclude the main point of her story and point of view: she proved that she was right about God and religion practice talk that evening a few weeks before. Such proven statement was then clear with concrete example of case by thinking that her suggestion was better than God’s final decision. 

I wondered if then she lived peacefully with her own perspective of dissatisfaction.